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In Control

2011-09-27 21:22:28 by nothingisgranted

How many times have we in general met one of those individuals that seem to think
everyone's against them?
The kind of person who always has to either pout at us or get all defensive the minute they think we're being mean or inconsiderate to them.

We disagree with them, and they think we're being smart with them.
We tell them why we disagree with them, and they think we're being mean.
We play a game with them, and they get all touchy when they start to loose.
We take a vote on something, and when they get voted out, they start acting like we did it on purpose.
Or how many times have you heard them gripe and complain about not being able to do something everyone else but them got to do?
They occassionally ask us to do something for them, like loan them something or help them with something.
And then gripe and complain about us always refusing to do anything for them.
A few of their favorite phrases seem to be something like "Why is it always me?", "You're just being mean", "That's not fair", and "How come I never get to do anything?".
....It just goes on and on.
I mean, it's like they just can't stand to be disagreed with or have something not go their way.
They act like everyone should just pity them, bend over backwards, and give them what they want.

I occassionally have no pity for some of these individuals.

I realize this may elicit some arguments from some of you that some of these individuals have had hard, unfair lives. And in this, you're're absolutely right.
I myself have had it really hard for the majority of my life, and I think I know where some of these individuals are coming from. Very few things have worked out for me in the way I wanted them to, and I always seemed to get the raw end of the deal--at least for a while.
It's hard having a life full of rotten luck.

And I know how easy it is to get the wrong ideas, attitudes, and outlooks towards this kind of lifestyle.
That is the point of this submission.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm aware of the individuals who have had this kind of lifestyle and are not like the people I'm discussing. This shouldn't apply to them.

In addition to the whiners, there are some individuals with this kind of lifestyle who basically remind me of bums: As much as their life seems to spin out of their control, it doesn't even seem to phase them.
They don't whine and complain about it as often, but at the same time, they don't ever
do or say anything about it.

As annoying as these kinds of individuals can be, both occassionally end up asking some very good questions:
Why does everyone seem to be against them?
Why do they always have bad luck?
And why does it keep going on like this?

I can see some of you arguing that it's because they don't ever shut up about these things.
Some might say they worry too much, that they're too on-edge about everything.
And some might argue that they take themselves way too seriously.

What if I told you there's a more than a little bit of truth to these assessments?

Some of our families, when we were younger, have probably told us not to worry
too musch about these kinds of things. Ever wonder why that is?

This is what irks me about these whiners:
Let's say you start worrying about some misfortune, and you keep on overzealously worrying about it. Or that someone is being mean or unfair to you, for that matter. Sooner or later, what happens?

For those of you not catching on, usually what happens is that sooner or later, something unfortunate happens to you--just like what you were worried about.

Example: I mentioned earlier how some individuals are constantly worrying that everyone's against them. You ever tried to reason with one of these people?
How long could you put up with their whining and pouting, before you started to get frustrated with them?
Which, in point of fact, can easily be misinterpreted as being mean, especially for those who worry about it so much?
How long could you resist the urge to start snapping at them when they didn't listen to reason?
How long was it before your friends in turn became fed up with their crap, and in turn joined you in either reasoning with them, or making them leave?

And on a side note, in my experience a lot of the things they get so worked up over are just petty, stupid things:
That someone disagrees with them, and in their minds, must be being mean to them.
That they had a stressful day.
That they didn't get to do what everyone else got to do.
And other stupid things like that.

Try asking yourself this, before you start worrying about one of the things discussed in the beginning of the
submission: "How does any of this affect ME?" Me as in you.

So someone disagreed with you, and in all honesty was probably a little bit ugly about it.
So what?
People are going to disagree with you, some of them being the kind of people who really think their opinion means anything to anyone.

So you had a stressful day.
Big deal--the rest of the world had a stressful day. And we're not going to make it any easier on each other by griping and complaining about it.
You might also try looking around you and considering how other people's days turned out. I guarantee you you'll find someone whose day makes yours seem like a walk in the park.

And as far as these misconceptions about us being mean to them?
Let me explain something to you about this.
We live in a society where the general idea is to better ourselves and the people around us in any way we can, and to encourage others to do the same. To try and help people with their issues rather than make fun of them for it. Help them make good decisions, that sort of thing.
So, with that in mind, let's say you see someone with an issue that could get to be a real problem for them if they keep it up for long enough.
What are you going to do?
How are you going to explain this to them?
You could just come right out with it.....but then that'd be plain rude, which is exacly what they'd end up thinking you were doing.
How about doing something to clue them in to the solutions to these issues, point them in the right direction?

I can see some of you arguing that everyone makes this mistake every now and then, bringing misfortunes upon ourselves with our overzealous worrying. But the next thing I'd like to bring to your attention is that the individuals I'm reffering to are constantly doing this to themselves.

You'd think they'd learn something useful from all these misfortunes, but unfortunately they don't. As they bring more and more misfortunes upon themselves, they learn about them.
They learn how to watch for the signs and anticipate when they are about to happen.
....Just so I don't loose anyone, here's a couple examples of this:
1) Like when they're talking to us, they'll pay attention to the direction a conversation is going.
2) They'll "read in between the lines" to see if there's a deeper meaning to what we say to them.
3) They try to read our faces:
This is where we keep track of things like facial expressions, body language, changes in tones, and other things like that. We can then use this information to learn things about the people we talk to. We can also use it to anticipate how the other speaker will react to certain things we say.
What irks me about people who do this is some of us will end up putting way too much confidence in this information. We're not always right in our anticipations, and inevitably make mistakes as only human beings can. But some of us won't admit this to ourselves.

Which reverts back to the point of this submission about overzealously worrying about things. And as their mental alarms become more active, they become prone to panicking and getting all defensive before they even know what they're so worried about. But they never learn anyhing from these misfortunes, or about how to prevent them from happening again.

So these individuals and the bums I discussed earlier will whine and complain every so often about how their lives are spinning out of control.
What irks me about either of these groups is that as much as they whine and complain, they never seem to realize just how much they are in fact controlling the general course of their lives.

I've already told you how the whiners do this. As for the bums, I'm going to be blunt with you for a minute:
How can we expect to have control over anything if you never try to seize it when opportunities present themselves?

As opposed to worrying about how their daily lives will turn out, both of these group will often take it even further:
They start to say things like, "Oh, these next couple weeks and/or months are going to suck."
Or "I'm never going to make it through this year."

You see anything wrong with this picture?

I've often heard that life is what we make of it.
If this is true, what happens if we make our lives out to be full of misfortune?